After a widely-applauded speech at the home of cricket, former England captain Greig was joined by Broad and Derek Underwood.
The event was hosted by Mark Nicholas, who, according to sources, had spent the previous four weeks holed up at his four-bedroom house in Melbourne, where he was said to be recovering from ‘clinical shock’ at the news of lifelong love Michael Clarke’s surprise wedding.
Previous orators at the prestigious annual event included Imran Khan, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Kumar Sangakkara, and Greig delivered a no-holds barred speech which had, as expected, been scathing on India’s undue influence on the modern game.
“The DRS is not perfect, but it does err in favour of the umpires’ decisions and according to the ICC, fewer mistakes are made with its use,” said Greig. “It simply must be implemented on a universal basis.”
In the post-lecture discussion, Broad reiterated Greig’s sentiments, but was prepared to compromise on the contentious issue of DRS.
“I can only repeat what Tony has said – India’s stubbornness on the DRS is holding back international cricket,” said Broad, to a round of sage nods from his fellow panelists. “However, we must be willing to accept that the DRS is flawed in its current format, and for that, we must be willing to meet them [BCCI] halfway.
“All considered, the rule of allowing a team only three reviews per Test innings is bizarre at best – it’s a subjective number that is at odds with the objectivity of the referral system,” continued Broad, “and so to balance things out, I propose unlimited reviews for myself, Swanny [Graeme Swann], and Jimmy [Anderson].
“I don’t like giving umpires my ‘crazy eyes’ to con them into believing that their years of experience and biannually-tested vision have deceived them, and that my appeal should be upheld without second thought,” added Broad, “but the DRS in its current format is leaving me with no other option, and it is clearly destroying the integrity of the spirit of cricket I have tried so hard to adhere to.”
Broad, a byproduct of England’s 1980?s ‘Bring Your Son To Work’ program, was met with quizzical looks from his fellow panelists and assembled media – until the pregnant pause was broken by host Mark Nicholas.
“Outstanding,” said Nicholas. “Mesmerizing; unnnn-beeee-lievable.”
Soon, the silence had been broken by a singular, repetitive clap from the crowd, which soon proved contagious, as the room stood to applaud Broad’s maverick idea.
The meeting was soon brought to an abrupt end, as Nicholas concluded: “You can’t follow that…it would be like following The Beatles…or Michael Clarke as Australian captain…”
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